OPEN TO BIRTH AND DEATH. — The Female Grail with Durga Holzhauser



A story about the transparency of life.

A new way of reflecting on dying.

My great-grandmother on my mother’s side was my teacher of life. She was our rock in the storms, a shelter of care. She was 83 when she died, having no signs of disease or sickness. She was simply ready to go. She had fulfilled her life’s work. So her body weakened visibly, and within two weeks it was ready to let her go.

I was 17. I was there 10 minutes before she died. She was shaking herself into a trance and I listened to her murmuring, “Mama, yes, I will pack my luggage and come home.” I felt her Mum waiting for her in the other world. I left the room and started my homework for the next day while the family stayed with her.

Soon after my Mum opened the door: “Granny is dead.”

As I walked up the stairs slowly it came to my consciousness that she was gone. I would not see her again. I froze as I realized she was truly dead. In this very moment, a wave of light embraced me and held me motheringly. She was standing behind me, full of radiant light. She comforted me: “I am not dead; I am alive.” Indeed, she was vibrating with life.

For years she came to me in my dreams, teaching me things and giving me advice when I was desperate. My sister was 9 years old when Granny died but she never cried, not even at the funeral or when her body was given back to the earth, forever unreachable to us. I never asked my sister about that, thinking maybe she was too young to realize. One evening when my sister was 16, we had an evening alone. In bed before falling asleep I asked her, “Why didn’t you ever cry when Granny died?”

“Because she was with me all the years after. She played with me every day.  She never left me.” Believe me, I bowed to my little sister for her young wisdom and connection to the transparency of life.

A new way of reflecting on being born.

17 years later I was in the ashram in India amid a thousand people, and my Granny came to me. “I am going to be born again,” she wanted me to know.

“Not to me please, Granny.” I said.
“No, no I will be born to … (a friend of mine).”

My friend had an appointment to be sterilized and became pregnant three days before. I learned this upon my return from India. I did not tell her what I knew and just enjoyed her belly growing with this beautiful soul inside who was always flirting with me. My friend asked me to be the godmother, because the baby wished it. It was time to lay the cards on the table.

Later my friend invited me to the birth. I had a tight schedule and only had three days free around when the birth was expected. My friend called me and said the girl had told her the day of her birth, and we trusted the message from the baby from heaven.

And so I was there the day that she was born again. I witnessed her light coming into this baby’s body, being born in a conscious return to earth with a plan for her soul. She was just waiting to come out and open her arms to embrace us and life again. She had made sure I was there to meet her where she left me.

My great-grandmother has become my teacher about life and death. She didn’t teach me through theory; she taught me by dying and living again.

I have learned that you do not need to meditate your whole life to encounter and make the transit of death. Nature knows. You simply need to live your life fully.

Nature brought you into this life when you where born; she will bring you back to the world of light where you once came from.

You may take courage in the face of the unknown.

And still…

We are here to share a limited time of togetherness and a story we only live once. Share it fully. Fight for love and for the presence to encounter all we have.

Give it all.

Written with my deepest love for my great-grandmother.

And for you.
For a new way of reflecting on life.