May, 2015 | The Female Grail with Durga Holzhauser
May, 2015


How to know if you belong to my tribe.

Her hair stood on end when she read Women Who Run With The Wolves. She knew Clarissa Pinkola Estes was talking about her; that someone out in the world knew her deepest secrets. She had kept herself hidden because she thought the world would not like her.

It’s true: her wildness was understood by nature, and she was untamed by society. Rules were alien to her. She didn’t need much from the tamed world because in nature, healing finds itself. She trusted her truth more than anything she was taught.

That hidden-away woman, she was me.
And maybe she is you too.

In spite of fears, misunderstandings, and wrong beliefs, this wild woman inside is not dangerous. Despite the protestations of the socially-conforming cells in my body, I know in my bones that my fierce inner wolf woman will guide teamwork of deep recognition, sharing, and cooperation among those who resonate with me and my vision. She will grow my leadership so that I may network eye-to-eye with powerful leaders in the world.

She is essence-relationship oriented and has an appreciation for playfulness.
She is loyal and immovable.
She threatens the status quo.
She is awakened because the crisis calls for her wisdom.

She is wary; she believes that when she outs herself, she is in danger.
But that is an illusion.
But she is not in danger anymore.
To the contrary, my wolf woman is a powerful leader.

I know that many of you are wolf women too, because you love what I write.
I asked her to teach me the signs of her presence so that I may share them with you. But you may also follow the trail and discover the signs of the wolf woman within you.

The wolf woman is a natural being.
She feels you and smells you instantly.
She intuits who you are. She knows your nature and will keep a distance if you do not resonate.
She will not tolerate fakes or distorted essences.

The woman who runs with the wolves is a future leader of humanity.

The time has come that I cannot stop dreaming of her.
She hunts through my nights and I feel her fur in my daydreams. She feels good.
She is tuned into using leadership as her contribution to the new world rising. She is the one who wakes me in the middle of the night, urging to me to give name and write down the dreams that are growing in my belly.

Are you alert to the signs of the wolf woman in you?
Her signs are:

: She trusts her first thought.

She is willing to keep working on me until I regain my animal instinct.
She is the one who knows in her bones. She sniffs out the false and real essences.

So many times I overruled my first thought, and I paid an expensive price each time. When my inner wolf woman reared up against a person, my cultivated mind suppressed the instinct: “Come on, you again? You’re always so complicated, you are always too much.” Then came the more dangerous part: my mind and socialized conditioning persuading me to play nice. “Give the person a chance,” said the voice. But it was clear already: my first thought was already a clear no.

I’ve also gone the other direction: disregarding my cultivated persona and listening deeply to my wolf woman. Once I woke up sweaty in the middle of the night after a sticky salesman promised to make my book an overnight success. That night I knew it was not right. I just waited in my bed, shivering from the knowing of all times in my bones. The first moment it was a good time to make a call, I picked up my phone. “You are out of the contract. No discussion, just because my wolf woman is not d’accord.” I did it again when I found myself saying to someone else, “We need to end our collaboration because I do not feel good with you.”

: She listens with her sixth sense.

She pays attention to nature’s reactions. When the animals around her get nervous, she listens. To the dog that barks, the birds that fly apart, the plants and nature’s silence. She listens.

A woman came to my house as a potential buyer. When she arrived I could feel her and the friendly neighbor dog was barking. I knew then she was not my buyer, before I even saw her: the dog had informed me. When I showed her the garden my plants looked away. I felt it. My wolf woman knew. Of course she did.

Believe me, a thousand times I misunderstood my wolf woman and thought I was just neurotic. Since I listen to my inner nature, I know. She guided me into a duality of expressions where the fabric of life pulsates.

I want to be her, my wolf woman, and she me.
So at home in her wildness, breaking down compromised fences.
She in her essence is wild. She is full of open empathy.
She is internalized in me, and I listen to her core. Still, she gets closer to me.
She teaches me to pay the price when I ignore her. She breathes loudly, so she cannot be ignored.

: She wants to see the truth, so it appears. And she gets aggressive when truth is compromised.

She has a second sight. She can see a second layer overlaying the material reality before her. This second sight shows up like a piece of gauze draped over people who are pretending to be something they are not.

Her inner world resonates earlier than her mind. Her skin freezes in the presence of falseness.

When I am centered in my nature, often things appear as if under a second skin. It can be a layer imprinted from former times upon a landscape, or people who appear to have a mask.

I don’t judge it anymore; I am curious about this particular expression of myself. Now I listen when my skin hurts, and I allow myself to be aggressive with certain people. I dare to feel my instinct.

It is not about judging people, but finding the sacred resins that create common visions, the nobility of great togetherness among kindred spirits. It smiles through me. And when that happens, it’s always good. Like the virtual assistant that agreed to work with me, and my sense of being felt like golden warm honey streaming through my veins, or the melting together with people in a collective, uncompromised expression of “YES, we want this.” It is so clear.

I am writing this because I am calling you, wolf women.
I have missed you for so long.
Rise up and dream so you may develop all you need to lead the future.

She is near.

How Wolves Change Rivers
She is the healing of the ecosystem. In our society, in our bodies, in our minds.

And take heart: if you don’t feel called by the wolf women, you may be a deer woman, one of Mary Magdalene’s tribe.
Or you may belong to my sisters’ tribes, among the buffalo women MaRa.

Each tribe has her own distinctive and revolutionary leadership style.

They are all needed.


I needed to write this out of my speechlessness. It made light fall onto my heart.

Just write a note to me, please.
If it’s true, tell me, “Yes, I am a wolf woman and I know you are there.”


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