2015 June — The Female Grail with Durga Holzhauser
June, 2015

OPEN TO BIRTH AND DEATH.

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A story about the transparency of life.

A new way of reflecting on dying.

My great-grandmother on my mother’s side was my teacher of life. She was our rock in the storms, a shelter of care. She was 83 when she died, having no signs of disease or sickness. She was simply ready to go. She had fulfilled her life’s work. So her body weakened visibly, and within two weeks it was ready to let her go.

I was 17. I was there 10 minutes before she died. She was shaking herself into a trance and I listened to her murmuring, “Mama, yes, I will pack my luggage and come home.” I felt her Mum waiting for her in the other world. I left the room and started my homework for the next day while the family stayed with her.

Soon after my Mum opened the door: “Granny is dead.”

As I walked up the stairs slowly it came to my consciousness that she was gone. I would not see her again. I froze as I realized she was truly dead. In this very moment, a wave of light embraced me and held me motheringly. She was standing behind me, full of radiant light. She comforted me: “I am not dead; I am alive.” Indeed, she was vibrating with life.

For years she came to me in my dreams, teaching me things and giving me advice when I was desperate. My sister was 9 years old when Granny died but she never cried, not even at the funeral or when her body was given back to the earth, forever unreachable to us. I never asked my sister about that, thinking maybe she was too young to realize. One evening when my sister was 16, we had an evening alone. In bed before falling asleep I asked her, “Why didn’t you ever cry when Granny died?”

“Because she was with me all the years after. She played with me every day.  She never left me.” Believe me, I bowed to my little sister for her young wisdom and connection to the transparency of life.

A new way of reflecting on being born.

17 years later I was in the ashram in India amid a thousand people, and my Granny came to me. “I am going to be born again,” she wanted me to know.

“Not to me please, Granny.” I said.
“No, no I will be born to … (a friend of mine).”

My friend had an appointment to be sterilized and became pregnant three days before. I learned this upon my return from India. I did not tell her what I knew and just enjoyed her belly growing with this beautiful soul inside who was always flirting with me. My friend asked me to be the godmother, because the baby wished it. It was time to lay the cards on the table.

Later my friend invited me to the birth. I had a tight schedule and only had three days free around when the birth was expected. My friend called me and said the girl had told her the day of her birth, and we trusted the message from the baby from heaven.

And so I was there the day that she was born again. I witnessed her light coming into this baby’s body, being born in a conscious return to earth with a plan for her soul. She was just waiting to come out and open her arms to embrace us and life again. She had made sure I was there to meet her where she left me.

My great-grandmother has become my teacher about life and death. She didn’t teach me through theory; she taught me by dying and living again.

I have learned that you do not need to meditate your whole life to encounter and make the transit of death. Nature knows. You simply need to live your life fully.

Nature brought you into this life when you where born; she will bring you back to the world of light where you once came from.

You may take courage in the face of the unknown.

And still…

We are here to share a limited time of togetherness and a story we only live once. Share it fully. Fight for love and for the presence to encounter all we have.

Give it all.

Written with my deepest love for my great-grandmother.
Forever.

And for you.
For a new way of reflecting on life.

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DOES YOUR HEART FEEL INFLAMED?

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It’s not pain.
It’s a burning seed of your future.

Here’s what I believe:
We are about to create a new world.
New leaders are rising from the unknown,
having long incubated their Destiny.

Does your heart feel like it’s burning?
Does it burst into your thoughts?

What we know from experience doesn’t always help us to identify what’s happening for us. Particularly now that the new creation is the energy.

Our Inner Child wounds from the past float on the surface of our realization. But they do not speak for us anymore. Beyond them, in wiser and deeper parts of ourselves, we find our promise.
Every wound is a teacher; there lies wide expansion there for us.

What I see, I saw and did.

I woke up to see gold in my heart, in many other hearts. My universal existence and my soul dream packaged in a small condensed seed. It feels like golden stardust, exclusive and luxurious.

“Explode your universe,” she said. twitter

Because I was open to my mystic self, I knew this was not pain to lose myself in. It was the labor of my heart chakras giving birth to my soul’s visions. The dreams died, the ethereal took form. When we have done our preparations, we are ready.

Healing comes at very station of the crossroads to unite the sacred, while drama boosts trauma. What is calling is this: new leaders are giving birth to their visions. Therein lie thousands of opportunities to create the future with their destiny.

So you have a seed in your heart too?

There is no way to avoid the labor pain. Walk through your pain. Ask your seed, “What am I giving birth to?”

If you are not so deeply connected to yourself, no worries. Just do what is in front of you. Your soul sends you fragments and, like a thread, you must weave them together to create the fabric of the future.

How I do it?

It is not easy. But your future is in your heart.

If it gets too painful, lean back and breathe. Just breathe into the golden seed of the future.

As we face new creation there is no right or wrong way, only ways that inspire us to take a hint and find our own solutions.

I let the pain move in freely when it comes.
I ask my heart to flow out and then I flow the creation to wherever it leads me.
Then I do not search for results, but for creation.

We need leaders in all corners in the world, opening up new solutions for change. We need them working locally and globally. Define your orbit. Your new visions will fill it in.

First stop and feel: what is my inflamed heart really about?
It’s not about having more to do.
Stand for it. Collect it.
The rest is on its way.

The future leaders will lead with their hearts.
Open wide. Open your wings.

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