UNMASK YOUR DISGUISED NEGATIVITY. | The Female Grail with Durga Holzhauser


Blast your future free.
(whenever something does not run the way it really should)

I was recently in Carmel, California with three other heroines. Together with Linda Sivertsen we dreamed into existence our winning book deals. They were four effervescent retreat days with embodied muses, wonderful stories and my “book shaman” Linda.

Of course I dream of Jesus the Book and the rest of the series landing a great book deal and becoming a bestseller. Every author does, just as a mother always thinks her child is the most beautiful and talented. I do.

The morning we left I woke up and before SHE could steal away unseen in the invisible world again, I sneaked a peak of her vanishing out of twilight. The shadow of her flowing robes had my immediate attention and I followed her traces deep into my inner worlds.

Voices from the secret chamber started to kindle.

“Nobody wants to read this book; no soul is interested in the real story of Jesus.
In fact, Jesus is not fancy enough for this world.
You will never find a big audience who loves what you burn to love.
Your heart-piece will never be as juicy and cool in the eyes of today’s world as it is for you.
You were always persecuted for your beliefs. What could possibly make today any different?”

I had secretly followed the “Goddess of Negativity” into her empire.
She is a goddess of illusion, seducing us to complain about our life circumstances. She walks into our nights and grows in our dreams of worries and fear. She rules the space. She is a master of pretending to be something different.

Negativity is irrational. She brings up stories and secretly turns optimism into negative magnets. She is a possessed collector of experiences we refuse to consciously digest. Instead we pin them on a fame wall inside a forgotten room of ourselves, and then we leave forever, leaving it alone and unprotected. Negativity knows these rooms and turns our secrets into fearful memories. And because we have left this room to her, she owns our power.

She stood there, ready to vanish. But instead she decided to look at me.

“Why did they persecute us in Jesus’ times? Why did they hate us for who we were?” I asked.

She found my question hysterically funny.

The WHY was unanswered; it was the wrong question.
I knew it.

“What do you want to teach me?” I tried again.

“YOU TOOK IT PERSONALLY!” Now she was nobly aroused.

Suddenly I was back in my inner room.

And the first time I realized that my space of success was wallpapered with:

No matter what I do,
No matter how much I exert myself,
It will never happen to me.

My space of vast possibility for all goodness was crammed.
The wall was full of memories permitted to be more than their destiny ever designed.

I bow to the Goddess of Negativity

She had not only collected my suppressed back-stories, she had also glued together what had been torn apart. She taught me that people hate a principle or even more, they hate themselves. I had taken it personally and worse: I adopted that story as a script for my future experiences. My space was full of disguised negativity. I had forgotten it. I had not even noticed it.

Healing is a jumpstart for a new era.
It is the beginning, not the end.
The perspective we bring to a situation always changes the way we see it:

I choose to find my team.
I choose to know that there are friends out there, waiting.
I will find them. I can feel it now.
I choose to pray to God to show me every step these books want to take.

My room is cleared.

If you keep your space small, your dreams cannot expand.

Be courageous to stand before your inner inventory and ask yourself:

Where in the past have I lost myself?
Where have I not loved?
What do I need to integrate?
Where is my hidden wound?

Make peace once again.
Reflect yourself.
Recollect your story.
Turn your enemies into companions and transform revenge into opportunity.
Walk with the “Goddess of Negativity” in the land of your own twilight and never ever ask her: Why?



SheraMa says:

what a great reflection, dear Durga. i know her well, the Goddess of Negativity (who doesn’t?). i bow to the Goddess of Negativity and will not ask “why” anymore. i love you.

Magdalene says:

I suppose I needed to read this story on this beautiful day. It brought me to tears. The question “Where in the past have I lost myself?” made me realize the time was even before I was a woman……only a girl child…..lost before she ever had a chance. I just turned 60 and I will bow to the Goddess of Negativity and will not ask “why” any longer. Bless you.

durga says:

Thank you dear Magdalene for letting me know and touching my heart by knowing my posts ignite more than I ever can imagine, much love to you.

durga says:

i love you too, you honor me with your loyal fellowship.

Joopie Curiel-Yard says:

As if you were talking to me, Durga. I recognize every single word on the page. I could not stop crying. I was embarassed to tell you this, but when I looked at the comments, I was relieved that I am not alone. Thank you for the spontaneous healing and I hope that the WORLD will reach out to these books. Love you.

Julie Daley says:

“The WHY was unanswered; it was the wrong question.”

This is brilliant.

Just lately I did receive an answer to a “Why?” I’ve asked my whole life. It came in a flash, a flash of Grace and what was shown had nothing to do with me. Nothing. All those years asking, and it had nothing to do with me. Tears, then laughter.

You are not alone. We are kindred spirits. There are many.

Love to you.


[…] could ask, “Why?”, for the rest of our lives. As Durga points out, dwelling in the negative robs us of our power: I had secretly followed the “Goddess of […]